Thursday, July 17, 2008


Arel came home from camp today and for the first time this whole summer, I feel content. I am undoubtedly aware that my contentment will probably disappear come Sunday--when he ships off to his next adventure--skateboard camp. 

There are absolutely two reasons why I feel at ease with him home:

1.) I love my brother. Sibling rivalry hardly ever takes place in the hallways and rooms of the Blau household. It may sound strange, but Arel and I barely fight these days. And even when we were much younger, we rarely fought. Bickering over who gets the last NutterButter or the remote control happens on occasion, but never a real, sitcomesque, bruise and punch fight that I so often observe amongst my friends and their siblings. He takes my side when I fight with my parents, he is the most pleasant passenger to have in my car, and we often agree on what we want for dinner. He is my best friend. 

2.) A part of me isn't sure what to do with myself now that high school is over. To an extent, I am trying desperately to live vicariously through his entrance into high school oblivion. I know that Kivunim and college are bound to be the greatest five years of my life. However, I suck with change and I'm well aware of that. My anxiety is boiling and penetrating into my veins. I'll get over it as I ease into these next few months, but I psych myself out like crazy. I'd like for him to be able to make me real tiny with like, a shrink-ray or something and tuck me into his backpack. I could live with another four years of Mr. Gross, mechanical pencils, and MLA format. 

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